Rising From The Ashes...

Free Write

2007-08-03T17:43:39Z

thelilipages is opening her freewrites. She does 500 words. i do these too, but i only do 100 words. This is the last one i did.

Laughing, screaming, crying, sighing, loving life, the phoenix in full flight. Soaring above the pain, the strife, the struggle to sustain life. Simple dreams and promises of a better tomorrow. Looking ahead, letting go, moving forward. Insubstantial ashes that no longer burn hot, merely smolder.

Mythical creature of light; aspiration never quite attained. Always there, always sought after, always glimpsed. Eye on the sky when old wounds choke, searching for tomorrow.

On the horizon, a comfort, a hope that is almost a disease. Cool water, given in sips. Crisp, clean linens soft against the skin. Love given and love received.

Memories

2007-04-11T18:31:46Z

Taken from thelilipages.

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you and me. It can be anything you want -- good or bad. When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people remember about you.

What Goes Around Comes Around...

2007-04-06T19:50:55Z

JH broke his neck. They've done surgery but don't think they can fix him completely. Karma is a mother fucker. So what's my karma going to be like for wishing bad things on JH?

i feel bad.

Eww

2007-04-05T15:24:24Z

i'm thinking about asking J to stop reading SS. It upsets him. Everytime he reads it he gets bent out of shape and doesn't want to touch me. This gives me a major complex. i know that stuff is upsetting but does it make me repulsive? He says it doesn't, that he just worries about me... but i can't help but wonder if the thought that i... oh fuck it.
i wish he wouldn't read it if its going to make him not want to touch me. i worry enough about being gross. No matter what he says his reasons are that's how i feel.

The Life of a Whore

2007-03-27T22:59:21Z

When night falls its time to earn my keep. The job is pretty simple: give them whatever they want. Smile, laugh, cry, scream, act like it doesn't hurt, writhe in pain, and give up bits of my soul never to be returned.

The loneliness is always there, like a silent shriek. Its bad when you sit alone and hate yourself but worse when you are in a crowd. On too high heels with people all around and you are your own tiny island of self loathing and regret.

Another night. An endless string of nights. The life of a whore.

Clean

2007-03-12T23:54:47Z

Today i wrote in screaming secrets. And, i felt how i felt when Benny told me no. Crushed. i've felt crushed all day long. Hopeless. i can't seem to find the words to describe how i feel. Like there is no goodness or joy in the world. i feel like my heart is bruised. All the pain and bitterness of being a kid failing an important test has rushed back to me. i tried to reach out to J but he's busy or something and i don't have it in me to say i'm haunted again please help me. i can't.
i'm so confused and ripped open and raw.
It'll heal... and maybe this time it'll heal clean.

Run Away

2007-01-30T18:39:39Z

There are people who should just be drug out by the heels and pummeled. i mean really, these people get on my fucking nerves so bad, i can't stand it. i can just feel the hate course through my body when i look at them and i have to restrain myself from playing "Run Motherfucker Run" by Snoop and cruising right the hell over top of the sorry fuckers. i cannot for the life of me figure out why these waste of breath bastards are still kicking and Ebony is gone. It makes me sick.
Sleep was a joke last night. i went to bed at 10:30 but i was up and in my rocker at 12:30, i rocked and thought about little dead girls until 2 and by then i was enraged i had to pace. i paced until 3 and then i went back to bed. i dreamed about dirty old man hands and woke up before the alarm went off with my mouth full of hatred spit.
You know, i'm tired. i've got to pace, i've got to think, i've got to walk around with all this stupid shit and i'm tired. i'd run away (i always want to run away) but i have to take my sorry ass with me. That kinda defeats the purpose.

Artwork

2007-01-29T23:56:33Z

angelsjiv @ 2007-01-23T15:53:00

2007-01-23T21:11:10Z

i search desperately for some time to myself, for a few minutes of peace, for solitude. And, inevitably as soon as i get it, i'm lonely and frightened for the past crowds around me and smothers me and chokes out the present and the future. Enough. It is water under the bridge. i have dealt with it. i have told my miserable sorry tale. i really thought that now there would be some sort of closure. Some sort of... i don't know... getting on with it.
i keep thinking that eventually i'm going to pull myself up by the bootstraps and get the fuck over it. That the screaming will stop. The endless blog posts will stop. The obsessions, compulsions, and flat out fucking craziness will stop. That all the bullshit that keeps me from living up to my potential will stop and i will move on with my life. But, i'm starting to see that i'm not interrupted, i'm fucking derailed. i'm going to have to learn to accept these fucked up limitations and live with them for the rest of my mother fucking life. There will never come a day when i don't hear the voices. There will never come a day when i don't loose time. There will never come a day when i am not a total flake no matter how hard i might try. Its just not going to fucking happen.
Get the fuck up over it angel, these are the cards you got dealt. Pissing and moaning about this is just as bad as pissing and moaning about my fucked up childhood. Which i can't abide. So i'm going to cut it out. No more pissing and moaning. i'm going to suck it the fuck up up and learn to live with it. This is just another shit hand of cards. Okay. i can deal with that. i dealt with it before and i can deal with it again.
i'm not saying i won't still write about my nightmares and shit here. i'm not saying i won't still bitch HERE. Cause this is my journal. i've always pissed and moaned in my journal. Your journal is where you are supposed to piss and moan. But, if you are my friend and we talk, you won't hear about it anymore. i won't discuss it anymore. i'm letting go of the bitterness except for here and in therapy.
The rest of my life will be full of sticky notes, reminder calls, redoing shit over and over, and obsessing. Does it piss me off? Does it make me want to filet a few sick mother fuckers? Hell yes! Is there shit i can do about it? Sadly, nope. So i may as well just accept it. Tough shit amiga, like it or lump it, cheers fuckface.

angelsjiv @ 2007-01-19T08:44:00

2007-01-19T13:51:59Z

i awoke last night just before the scream escaped my throat, with ghosts beside my bed. She was a skinny dirty little kid and he was a evil eyed old man. That was it for sleep for me. i got up and sat in the chair the rest of the night just sitting and staring into space. i'm tired today and i feel so fucking old.
Hands everywhere, on my throat and all over me. Voices constantly. Shutup. Can't you just shutup for a damn minute?

Its not getting better yet.

In The Year 1995... i turned 18 and the music was...

2006-11-29T19:56:56Z

Swiped this one from: thelilipages
1995 Greatest Hits
1. Cotten Eye Joe - Rednex
2. One Sweet Day - Mariah Carey & Boys II Men
3. I'll Be There For You - Rembrandts
4. Run Away - Real McCoy
5. You Gotta Be - Des'ree
6. Boombastic - Shaggy
7. I Could Fall In Love - Selena
8. Take Your Time (Do It Right) - Max-A-Million
9. Better Man - Pearl Jam
10. Fantasy - Mariah Carey
11. We've Got It Goin' On - Backstreet Boys
12. Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman? - Bryan Adams
13. Fat Boy - Max-A-Million
14. This Is How We Do It - Montell Jordan
15. I Like It, I Love It - Tim McGraw
16. Ants Marching - Dave Matthews Band
17. Hey Lover - LL Cool J
18. The Woman In Me - Shania Twain
19. I Wish - Skee-Lo
20. Jeremy - Pearl Jam
~~21. Come And Get Your Love - Real McCoy~~
22. When I Come Around - Green Day
23. Sexual Healing - Max-A-Million
24. Thank You - Boyz II Men
25. Kiss From A Rose - Seal
26. Total Eclipse of the Heart - Nikki French
27. Any Man Of Mine - Shania Twain
~~28. What Would You Say - Dave Matthews Band~~
29. Big Poppa - Notorious B.I.G.
30. Tootsie Roll - 69 Boyz
~~31. I Believe - Blessid Union Of Souls~~
32. Send Me On My Way - Rusted Root
33. Bizarre Love Triangle* - New Order
(*US release, it came out in the UK, and the rest of the world in 1988. It only made it to #98, according to Billboard Magazine!)
34. Gangsta's Paradise - Coolio
35. Everything Zen - Bush
36. New Age Girl - Dead Eye Dick
37. The Bomb! - The Bucketheads
38. I Got Id - Pearl Jam
39. Let Me Be The One - Blessid Union Of Souls
40. Colors Of The Wind - Vanessa Williams
41. Age Ain't Nothin' But A Number - Aaliyah
42. Lightning Crashes - Live
43. Boom Boom Boom - Outhere Bros.
44. Good - Better Than Ezra
45. Tonight Is The Night - Le Click
46. Short Short Man - 20 Fingers
47. Run-Around - Blues Traveller
48. Scatman (Ski-Ba-Bop-Ba-Dop-Bop) - Scatman
49. December - Collective Soul
50. Hooked On You - Silk
51. Waterfalls - TLC
52. (I Could Only) Whisper Your Name - Harry Connick, Jr.
53. Creep - TLC
54. Dreaming Of You - Selena
55. Good Intentions - Toad The Wet Sprocket
56. Misery - Soul Asylum
57. Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me - U2
58. Buddy Holly - Weezer
59. Roll To Me - Del Amitri
60. You Oughta Know - Alanis Morissette
61. Hurt - Nine Inch Nails
62. As I Lay Me Down - Sophie B. Hawkins
63. Baby Baby - Corona
64. Lick It - Roula
65. Carnival - Natalie Merchant
66. Girlstown - Supercat
67. Baby - Brandy
68. Hand In My Pocket - Alanis Morissette
69. I Kissed A Girl - Jill Sobule
70. Seether - Veruca Salt
71. Let Her Cry - Hootie and the Blowfish
72. Exhale (Shoop Shoop) - Whitney Houston
73. Wonderful - Adam Ant
74. Fake Plastic Trees - Radiohead
~~75.~~ I'm The Only One - Melissa Ethridge

Visit here to do this yourself.

Yet Another Meme

2006-11-29T19:39:19Z

Swiped from Lady Calliah.

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said “I love you” and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game (and survived the crush afterwards)
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby’s diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower.
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Played touch football
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight (give me a break)
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on television news programs as an “expert”
83. Got flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Kissed on the first date
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently
95. Performed in Rocky Horror
96. Raised children
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Touched a stingray
110. Broken someone’s heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Touched a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad - and the Odyssey
135. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions (does it count that they never had any??? LOL
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone’s life

angelsjiv @ 2006-11-18T19:10:00

2006-11-19T00:10:38Z

Swiped from thelilipages

You scored as Dante Alighieri. According to you most of humanity will spend at least some of their afterlife in hell. You have a high likelihood of being exiled, but anyone as bloody fucking romantic as you deserves what they get. You have an exceptional moral code, overshadowed by the fact that you yourself cannot uphold it.

Your existence bears a definite irony, although of fairly Christian morality, many pagans, satanists, communists, and intellectuals admire you and your works for all the wrong reasons.

Also, the brighest star in your sky is never going to be your lover...

It takes a lot of grief to be the cartographer of hell.

C.G. Jung

83%

Dante Alighieri

83%

Friedrich Nietzsche

75%

Hugh Hefner

75%

Sigmund Freud

67%

Elvis Presley

67%

Adolf Hitler

58%

Stephen Hawking

42%

Mother Teresa

42%

Steven Morrissey

33%

Miyamoto Musashi

25%

O.J. Simpson

17%

Jesus Christ

Charles Manson

What Pseudo Historical Figure Best Suits You?
created with QuizFarm.com

Retreat

2006-11-12T18:56:13Z

i'm doing better. The darkness has retreated a bit and i am left in a flood of twilight. It feels good. It feels good to be able to say i'll do things with no fear that i'll be in the hospital. i'm recovering. Whatever happened when Marcie was here, i'm recovering from it. i don't know if my hands will stop shaking any time soon or if the pacing will stop, but at least i'm more at peace.
The storm is retreating. i'm glad to see it go.

Naugthy girl

2006-11-09T15:13:58Z

You Are 4% Pure

You've been a very bad girl or boy... And you probably enjoyed every minute of it.

How Pure Are You?

Shamelessly stolen from thelilipages .

Good Things

2006-11-05T01:39:52Z

So i've got a job sorta. i'm making cards for bdsm-greeting in exchange for products from the owner's websites. i should be able to do a good chunk of my christmas shopping from there. So maybe i won't hate christmas quite as bad this year.
Brad got approved for medicaid waiver. This means a lot. It means i don't have to kiss the FAPT team's ass anymore. It means i don't have to buy diapers anymore. It means i don't have to pay the copay on his medicine. It means we'll have a hell of a lot more money. YAY
J and i are getting along great. We are really there for one another and things are going well. i'm happy with him. He's happy with me.

i'm going to feel better, dammit.

angelsjiv @ 2006-10-20T12:31:00

2006-10-20T16:47:10Z

1. One book that changed your life: i can't think of any book that changed my life.
2. One Book That You've Read More Than Once: There are too many to list. i reread everything. Here's one- The Stand by Stephen King
3.One Book You'd Want On A Desert Island:
4. One Book That Made You Laugh: Divine Secrets of the YaYa Sisterhood by Rebecca Wells
5. One Book That Made You Cry: Bastard Out of Carolina by Dorothy Allison
6. One Book That You Wish You Had Written: Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë
7. One Book You Wish Had Never Been Written: The Door to December by Dean Koontz
8. One Book That You Are Reading Right Now: i'm reading both Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire and Gerald's Game
9. One Book That You Have Been Meaning To Read: The Divinci Code
10. Tag five others that you would like to do this meme

i refuse to tag anyone. If you want to do this, boogie down.

Moonlit

2006-10-03T21:56:30Z

The One Constant

2006-10-03T21:44:43Z

The one constant is confusion. Swirls of memory mix with today and make a mess of my life. Sometimes i can't separate what's now and what's then. Sometimes then makes me scream and i'm left breathless and embarrassed, nothing there, a grown woman jumping at shadows.
The whispering in my head is never still. Its never quiet. i long for silence but it would probably terrify me because i don't think i’ve ever heard it. The real problem is when the whispers become screams and my skull is filled with shrieks that can’t be stopped.
At least i'm never lonely.

Memories

2006-10-01T14:37:30Z

The dogs circle, snarling and snapping, foam flies from their gaping mouths. Their coats are mangy and white with age and yet they remain fierce. Surely they will devour the little girl that’s pressed tight to the ground at their center.
She is wild with fear, her eyes darting to and fro looking for escape. There is no escape. She must face down the dogs and beat them to go free. She knows its impossible and that these old mutts will rip her to shreds, yet the little girl gathers rocks to fight.
She won’t go down without a fight.

Coming of the light

2006-09-29T19:00:48Z

artwork behind...

Well... hell

2006-09-29T18:07:54Z

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Extreme
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very High
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Extreme
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very High
Level 7 (Violent)	Extreme
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	High

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

Meme from Lili

2006-07-14T18:55:45Z

(Click here to post your own answers for this meme.)

✓ I miss somebody right now. (i wish J were here, i'm in trouble and i'd like to be done with it.)	✓ I don't watch much TV these days.	✓ I own lots of books.
✓ I wear glasses or contact lenses.	× I love to play video games.	✓ I've tried marijuana. (i try it everyday, usually multiple times a day.)
✓ I've watched porn movies. (i've starred and i watch them, i hope i never end up watching myself)	× I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.	× I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
✓ I curse sometimes. (Like a sailor)	✓ I have changed a lot mentally over the last year. (i'm getting a LOT better.)	× I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.

* * * * *

✓ I have broken someone's bones.	✓ I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal. (But, i reveal them anyway.)	× I hate the rain.
✓ I'm paranoid at times.	× I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free. (i'd like to get my nipples put back where they belong, but J says no, so no.)	✓ I need/want money right now. (We are always BROKE. You know those payday loans? We have two.)
× I love sushi.	× I talk really, really fast.	× I have fresh breath in the morning. (Ummm, only after i brush in my weird three step way.)
✓ I have long hair.	× I have lost money in Las Vegas.	✓ I have at least one sibling. (Two sisters.)
× I was born in a country outside of the U.S.	✓ I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past. (Nails and lashes.)	✓ I couldn't survive without Caller I.D. (And, my answering machine to screen calls.)
× I like the way that I look.	✓ I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months. (Everyone lies to their good friends or they wouldn't have good friends. i don't say, Yes, that hair cut makes you look like a boy.)	✓ I am usually pessimistic.
✓ I have a lot of mood swings.	× I think prostitution should be legalized.	× I slept with a roommate.
× I have a hidden talent.	× I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.	× I have a lot of friends.
× I have pecked someone of the same sex. (Pecked? i love women. And, i've been intimate with them, made love with them, and fucked them. Not sure if i ever pecked one though.)	✓ I enjoy talking on the phone.	× I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
× I love to shop and/or window shop.	× I'm obsessed with my Xanga or Livejournal.	× I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
× I have a mobile phone.	× I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.	✓ I've rejected someone before. (Many many many someones.)
✓ I currently like/love someone. (Come on, we all know i worship J.)	× I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.	× I want to have children in the future.
✓ I have changed a diaper before. (i've changed a bazillion diapers. i've been changing Brad's for 8 years.)	× I've called the cops on a friend before. (What kind of asshole...)	× I'm not allergic to anything.
✓ I have a lot to learn.	× I am shy around the opposite sex.	× I'm online 24/7, even as an away message.
✓ I have at least 5 away messages saved.	✓ I have tried alcohol or drugs before. (Geez.)	× I have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past.
✓ I own the "South Park" movie.	× I have avoided assignments at work/school to be on Xanga or Livejournal.	✓ I enjoy some country music. (Willie, Johnny, Hank, Patsy...)
× I would die for my best friends.	✓ I'm obsessive, and often a perfectionist.	✓ I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
× I think Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.	× I have dated a close friend's ex.	× I am happy at this moment.
× I'm obsessed with guys.	✓ Democrat.	× Republican.
× I don't even know what I am.	× I am punk rockish.	× I go for older guys/girls, not younger.
× I study for tests most of the time.	× I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met.	✓ I can work on a car. (If changing a tire and helping J counts. :P)
× I love my job(s).	✓ I am comfortable with who I am right now.	× I have more than just my ears pierced. (i had my nipples pierced but J didn't like it so i let them grow up.)
✓ I walk barefoot wherever I can.	✓ I have jumped off a bridge. (Into the river. Fun!)	× I love sea turtles.
× I spend ridiculous amounts of money on makeup.	× I plan on achieving a major goal/dream.	× I am proficient on a musical instrument.
× I hate office jobs.	× I went to college out of state.	× I am adopted.
× I am a pyro.	× I have thrown up from crying too much.	✓ I have been intentionally hurt by people that I loved.
× I fall for the worst people.	✓ I adore bright colours. (Orange is my fav color)	× I usually like covers better than originals.
× I hate chain theme restaurants like Applebees and TGIFridays.	✓ I can pick up things with my toes.	✓ I can't whistle.
× I have ridden/owned a horse. (i hate horses)	× I still have every journal I've ever written in. (lost a few, but have most)	× I talk in my sleep.
× I've often thought that I was born in the wrong century.	× I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions.	× I wear a toe ring.
✓ I have a tattoo. (Try 5.)	× I can't stand at LEAST one person that I work with.	✓ I am a caffeine junkie. (A pot of coffee a day or i can't function.)
× I am completely tree-huggy spiritual, and I'm not ashamed at all.	✓ If I knew I would get away with it, I would commit at least one murder.	× I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical, the better.
× I enjoy a nice glass of wine with dinner.	× I'm an artist.	× I am ambidextrous.
× I sleep with so many stuffed animals, I can hardly fit on my bed.	× If it weren't for having to see other people naked, I'd live in a nudist colony.	× I have terrible teeth.
× I hate my toes.	✓ I did this meme even though I wasn't tagged by the person who took it before me.	× I have more friends on the internet than in real life.
× I have lived in either three different states or countries.	✓ I am extremely flexible.	× I love hugs more than kisses.
✓ I want to own my own business. (i'd like to go back to selling sex toys.)	✓ I smoke. (And, kiss my ass if you don't like it.)	✓ I spend way too much time on the computer than on anything else.
✓ Nobody has ever said I'm normal.	× Sad movies, games, and the like can cause a trickle of tears every now and then.	× I am proficient in the use of many types of firearms and combat weapons.
× I like the way women look in stylized men's suits.	✓ I don't like it when people are unpleased or seem unpleased with me.	× I have been described as a dreamer or likely to have my head up in the clouds.
✓ I have played strip poker with someone else before.	✓ I have had emotional problems for which I have sought professional help.	× I believe in ghosts and the paranormal.
× I can't stand being alone.	× I have at least one obsession at any given time.	× I weigh myself, pee/poo, and then weigh myself again.
× I consistently spend way too much money on obsessions-of-the-moment.	× I'm a judgmental asshole.	× I'm a HUGE drama-queen. (i come off like one at times, but my family is just majorly fucked up.)
× I have travelled on more than one continent.	✓ I sometimes wish my father would just disappear.	✓ I need people to tell me I'm good at something in order to feel that I am.
× I am a Libertarian.	× I can speak more than one language.	× I can fall asleep even if the whole room is as noisy as it can be.
✓ I would rather read than watch TV.	× I like reading fact more than fiction.	× I have pulled an all-nighter on an assignment I was given a month to do.
× I have no piercings.	× I have spent the night in a train station or other public place.	✓ I have been so upset over my physical gender that I cried. (If only i had been born a boy...)
× I once spent Christmas completely alone because there was a miscommunication on which parent was supposed to have me that night.	✓ There have been times when I have wondered "Why was I born?" and may/may not have cried over it.	× I like most animals better than most people.
× I own a collection of retro games consoles.	× The thought of physical exercise makes me shiver.	× I have hit someone with a dead fish.
× I am compulsively honest.	× I was born with a congenital birth defect that has never been repaired.	✓ I have danced topless in front of dozens of complete strangers.
✓ I have gone from wishing I was a girl to revelling in being a boy to feeling like a girl again in the span of five minutes, and not cared a whit for my actual sex.	✓ I am unashamedly bisexual, and have different motivations for my desires for different genders.	✓ I sometimes won't sleep a whole night or eat a whole day because I forget to.
× I find it impossible to get to sleep without some kind of music on.	× I dislike milk.	× I obsessively wash my hands. (i obsessively bathe.)
✓ I always carry something significant around with me. (my collar.)	✓ Sometimes I'd rather wear a wig in day-to-day life than use my own hair.	× I've pushed myself to become more self-aware and thereby more aware of others.
× Even though I live on my own I still cry sometimes because I miss my mother.	× I hand wrote all the HTML tags in this document.	✓ I've liked something which a majority of people claimed was either bad or weird.
× I have been clinically dead for a brief period of time.	× Instead of feeling sympathy/empathy with people and their problems, I simply become annoyed.	× I participate/have participated in auto drag races and won.
× I do not 'get' most comedy acts.	✓ I don't think strippers are money-greedy or slutty for dancing. (Its a profession, like any other profession.)	× I don't like to chew gum.
× I am obsessed with history/historical things and can't wait for someone to build a time machine so I can be the first to use it.	× I can never remember for the life of me where I parked the car.	× I had the TEEN ANGST thing going for at least 2-3 years.
✓ I wish people would be more empathic and honest with each other.	× I play Dungeons and Dragons weekly.	× I love to sing.
× I want to live in my mother's basement when I grow up.	× I have a custom-built computer.	× I want to create a certain someone's babies, even though there's a 0% possiblity of ever achieving it.
× I would be in a relationship with one of my pets if they were human.	✓ I've gone skinny-dipping. (i love to skinny dip!)	× I've performed in three plays.
× I enjoy burritos.	× I'm Irish and loving it.	✓ I have a thing for redheads. (Major thing.)
× I am a twin!	× Most of the times, I'd rather do something intellectual instead of doing something generically 'fun'.	× Once I set out to finish something, I always stay at it until it is completed before I move on to something else.
× I wish there were a way to erase past mistakes.	× I sleep more than 12 hours a day.	✓ I wish I could be prouder of what I've accomplished, but it's never enough.
✓ I need more time to myself. (Brad's respite workers suck!)	× I wish I was more open-minded.	× I hope that I go really prematurely grey.
✓ I download songs from the internet.	× I've just reenacted chapter 58 of Death Note with my best friend.	× I say random things to freak people out.
× I'm still a little mad about the ending of Death Note.	× I love playing Truth or Dare.	× I love listening to slow music, but I hate singing to it.
✓ Music helps me remember that I am not alone.	× Playing my favorite sport makes me temporarily forget my problems.	✓ I think this survey is particularly long. (Someone, save me from this survey)
× I prefer my LJ friends to my real-life ones.	× I can only hate someone that I love.	× I've ordered an extra two shots of espresso to an Americano at Starbucks.